Mental health – Whats the right size?

I am a 26yr women who has always been a plus size! Yes, you heard me right,so I have always been the hourglass figure with tons of extra minutes.The worst part of it was that being obese became so well knit with my life that instead of seeing the health issues associated with obesity, I started seeking comfort in it. All my life I have been used to comments like “you are so cute” and “everything about you is perfect just if you could loose some pounds“ and everytime I would hear it,my heart would thump out loud and before I could take a hold of my self,my fingers would be swiping Swiggy food items.

It sure does sound funny now, but battling emotional eating all my life has been a war. I hated meeting new people and despite of the fact that I am a kickass speaker and a jaw dropping writer I kept my work and my skills in a confined space, because truth being said I had serious issues on the fact that my work could be under a lot of preset judegment on how I look.

And my looks could always be described as “UNDERCONFIDENT”. We live in a slowly progressive world where we say that looks don’t matter.. and let your work speak for yourself , well I must tell you from a lifetime experience that if it matters to you even a pinch.. it is going to burn a hole in your heart.

I have battled all my life with compliments, with confident friendships, with intimacy in relationships and more than that to address the elephant in the room I have battled with TRUST issues. My weight and my obese figure always made my extremely judgemental mind to question every bit of good behaviour that came forward towards me and that lead to me having trust issues in all my relationships. Just because I did not think I am good enough for anybody out there.I would always question every man (no matter how much of a dickhead) who wanted to date me and hence almost all my relationships died before thier course of time, which also explains why I have put up with a lot of inappropriate behaviours in my past relationships.

After long fighting this endless battle with the women I am and the women I see everyday in the mirror , I decided one day to finally give it all it takes to change the way I look because it bothers me a hell to not do anything about it.
And here I am,
I started my transformation journey 2 months ago.. be choosing a healthy lifestyle and by understanding that if it bothers me I better change it than finding excuses.
And as you listen the fat girl whining, well she lost 35 pounds while you made your way uptil here.

So to put up my mental distress in a nutshell ,
I would say

I am no expert in how body positivity can be your A game. I have been my worst critic after all , but yes ! If it bothers you ( and whatever that it is ) take the course of action and change it or find a peaceful way of dealing with it , because honestly
If the ocean inside your head isn’t calm.. your ship would never sail right !

And lastly , something that I learned the hard way in life..
sometimes we need to ease the course, we need to be more accepting and more rewarding of ourselves .

After all the greatest project that you will ever work on is YOU.

8 responses to “#HEARMEOUT 3”

  1. Thank you everyone for all the love this post has received and I cannot thank you enough smriti for being not only a bestfriend but also a huge inspiration and helping me to put my story out there

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow Akanksha! WOW. You caught my mind in the last of the story. Ocean in the mind must be calm to keep our sail in correct direction.
    You are great. I agree with you; in this progressive, uncertain outrageous world, look matters at our own level.

    Thank you for sharing this and all the best

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are beautiful the way you are Akansha🤗 Keep up your great work Smriti😘 I’m proud to have a friend like you in my life😇

    Liked by 1 person

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