#hearmeout 8

Today I felt good a different kind of satisfaction/happiness or what, it’s just unexplainable when I switched my laptop on to write this. I love writing anyways but thanks to Smriti Singh to reach out to me, give me a chance and encourage me to actually talk about my life; my story. So here is a glimpse of the life of a girl’s life living in a small middle class family of the so-called posh area of Delhi.
Let me start introducing myself-

Hi I’m Ahona Majumdar who is going to be 20 this 2nd June. I live in the southern part of Delhi. I originally belong to West Bengal. You know I’m really tired people reacting weirdly to my thoughts and beliefs, questioning me “Why do you want to leave such a beautiful family?” “Why you want to seek attention by showing your situation worse?” “Why you are always against your whole family, they are such lovely people?” etc. but hardly a single person knows what the reality is. So I decided to raise my voice and answer these questions.
I wasn’t always against my family, I also used to take my mom as my whole world, my sister as a part of me and my father as the hero who protects me my part and my world. But it all changed past these 7-8 years. It all started when I was diagnosed with minor dyslexia when I almost complete my 8th standard, there were a list of things that made my life worse after that like

  1. I started getting lower marks as level of difficulty increased.
  2. I was given a weird reaction when told to me teachers and my school authorities.
  3. Making special arrangements and giving me writer/extra time to write my tests.
  4. Everyone gives looks of pity whenever they see you.
  5. Being extra polite for no reason.
  6. Forced to study more and getting that attention because prior this mom never gave attention to my studies in childhood and used to only teach my elder sister
    All this made me loose hope and trust on myself. I felt like I was good for nothing, had no worth in life, and was a mistake my parents created. I was in proper depression for two years. Then came a time my mom forced to open/home schooling although she thought that it would help me but it aggravated my negative thoughts about my existence. But by this I was visiting a psychologist so I was way more relaxed about the way I thought and saw my life as. I somehow worked hard and got through to 11th here came a time where my life took a 180 degree turn. So while struggling and making my way into this world full of competition, I fell in love with a guy and got into my first relationship. I had a rosy life easily balancing my studies and my boyfriend. My mom was also very proud as my grades improved but the pride didn’t last long.
    My mother found out about us and I was beaten up badly that bad that I have the fade scars till date. She said allot things that if someone hears would be like how anyone could say that, I was house-arrested until my 12th boards, my phone was snatched, chopped my hair off and said a line which makes me cry until date that was “I wish you were never born. I feel like burning you alive right now.” While all this was happening at home I still tried to maintain my relationship, trying to contact him whenever possible but as you get my luck is that guy cheated me with another girl few months later. I was broken.
    So after few months passed still my mom hit me hurt me badly for that incident but I found a guy and got into a relationship because he was the one I thought to be a person who understands me. But after sometime later he ghosted me horribly and left me shattered. That’s when I felt a major setback and took months to heal. Although this happened back to back and I was drenched in negativity yet I studied hard and scored decently well, above my expectations in my 12th board……………after being taunted, tortured, got beaten to death I survived my days with a smile on my face. There are n number of stories still in between that has led to rational irrational beating up and also I tried giving myself a last try to find love but the history repeated I was ghosted again and left alone sobbing day and night.
    Now I’m in college 2nd year waiting to be free of all the chains caging me here. I promised myself not to love another guy and let him control my mood. Also not to let these things ever let my confidence lower. I know what I’m capable of and how bright my future is. Although I couldn’t stop it but I’ll surely get out on day. One last thing all these bad times improved my knowledge of words, find out my niche for portraying my situations in poetries and write-ups. Although I don’t have many fans for my writing on my page @jotting_down_my_life still I know what I write, the efforts and the feelings behind.

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