#hearmeout 11

Hey! I’m Simran, 24 years old and a Mother of 2 . I love my life, like any other mom, I feel blessed to have the cutest babies in the world. You would have always heard your mom thanking god and asking for everything good in her family’s life, but have you ever asked her about her wishes and about her journey of being a MOM. Her studies, her friends, her freedom, her wishes, her goals, her lifestyle, everything she had before marriage, does she still have it? Does she miss it? Does she want it?
I was 19 when I got married. It was my 14th semester when my Rokka suddenly happened. I was the type of girl who really never cared about any fucking thing. I never had any responsibilities in life, was very much chilled out, woke up at 1-2 in the noon, spent all my money in dresses, never repeated a top in 6 months, confirmed appointment in parlour once a week, had matching shoes and accessories for everything, never made single dish ever, always treated equal to my 2 brothers, got pocket money every week, even used to smoke joints with my brothers. Every one in the family knew I was very irresponsible and more careless than my brothers. Suddenly when one day my dad came up to me n said there’s a guy they have been seeing for me, n I dont have to say yes under any prressure. I was Ok as I knew I will say NO for sure. But when I met the guy, his simplicity and kindness, the purity in his eyes, the way he spoke so softly, he was a Gemntleman, I couldnt say No anyway and then happend my Rokka the same day… I was happy but confused. Didnt know whether I was ready for the responsibilities I will have after marriage.
As I newly wed, everything was mesmerizing and stunning, new people, new life, new things, new dresses and accessories, lol. But soon things started changing. Me n my hubby didnt knew much about each other, we were completely Opposite. He woke up at 6am n me after 10(after 20 alarms), I couldnt make his breakfast, couldnt see off him, I was even late for lunch preparations. Besides that I couldnt cleaan my room, fold the clothes, dusting of my room, I didnt know Cooking either. I was not allowed to wear jeans!!!!!! That was the biggest milestone that time.. Soon every one started asking me to learn cooking and atleast takee care of my own room. I was a Mess, completely mess. Between all this my final exams came and I dont know what were the subjects as Ibdidnt attend the collgege at all for the final year. Life was shattering. I was alone at my inlaw home and had nothing to do which makes Me happy. Everything was going wrong and I was missing my earlier life. I wanted to enjoy my life and to go back to my college, go to my home. I was trying to learn cooking qnd sort my room, wake up early but was unable to get out of bed before 9… n 9 am at my inlaws was NNIIIINNNNNNEEEEEE…. till that time everyone had breakfast, left for work, lunch prepratioms were done, Pooja was done, everything. All this lead to a big mental pressure and anxiety.. me n my hubby started fighting, a lot.. i couldnt sleep, we fought daily, i came back to my mom’s house many times. All the family members convinced me to go back and keep trying, I was falling alart. I FAILED. I couldnt do household chores. I cried all the time, fights didnt stop, I used to blabber all night alone as If I was insane. But outside, no one knew what I was going through.
I Left all my wishes and the lifestyle that gave me happiness behind. I was alone and couldnt do anything about it as if I was STUCK. N Then I started thinking about my problems, What were they? My problem was ME. I was so stubborn n fixed with my thoughts that I didnt realize about the things that I can do in this situation to help myself. I wanted to laugh and recover, I wanted to stay happy, I wanted to not miss my friends n family. Wo I decided to do what makes me happy and that was giving myself time for the things I dont know. I started online cooking classes, started worshipping(that helped a lot) , I put efforts to make my hubby happy, made his dress ready for the fay a night earlier, syarted spending more time with my mother-in-law as no better friend can be there like her. She taught me everything patiently and

gave me all the confidence I needed. It took me more than a year to settle down here. I was mother at 21. My son gave me all the postive energy I needed.
I dont want to recall that time again which made me so negative and selfless. But that time made me ubderstand that the only kne that can help you is You and Your calm mind. Understanding your problem and Tackling it with patience is the key. It was a big struggle and this not just my story? But I bet every mother has faces this. Today Am a mom of 2 and I dont think I will ever be that girl again with lack of confidence and decision making power. I will be strong forever and a SuperMom of my kids.
But still I want to say I Miss my earlier Life.

Published by Smriti Singh

Inquisitive Software Analyst Mental health Activist

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