Well this post is not a advice/suggestion post, just a personal blog. But maybe anyone dealing with a heartbreak will relate to it. I guess we have all gone through the heart wrenching experience of emotional pain that a heartbreak causes. Because of my past breakup and emotional pain I experienced, I felt like I have lost the ability to love, in fact lost the ability to feel things for anyone. I wanted it I guess, but then always thought that I have lost interest in this area. 😀
Well the good news is I was wrong. I mean I still question what actually this love and butterflies are but I can have the feelings, my heart works perfectly fine, LOL! And I am not thatttttttt hopeless. Congratulations to myself! Bad news is I am dealing with my wounded heart now.
To be honest, I was content in my shell, healing, growing, living life the way it is and then one day suddenly I was stopping myself to think about this person. It’s still hard to believe because I don’t vibe or feel for anyone easily. For a long time I felt I’m a kind of heartless bitch. :S Why it takes us so much time to get over someone but we can fall for someone so quick? The worst part is for few days I felt like I am off to something nice. Everything felt so perfect… (Okay no oversharing)
In this modern dating world I feel too old, and I don’t know where I stand, all I just know I maybe don’t fit there or whatever! I realised I can be strong confident bla bla… but when it comes to dating, oh my! I am vulnerable AF and still a teenage kid maybe, dreaming in my own world. Still don’t know how to deal things but I am old already and I am so weird and immature! (Okay maybe I’m not that pathetic)
During heartbreaks, our self esteem can get really low. It can give the feeling of loneliness, feeling of rejection. It really messes with our emotions and makes us feel unworthy of love. But everything teaches us something, and opens a door for healing and personal growth. I have actually been through worse situation and I dealt with it so I know I’ll grow gracefully from this pain.
Here’s how I am dealing with my heartbreak:
1. Eating lots of Icecream: Well it’s a ritual to eat icecream after the heartbreak 😀
2. Accepting the feelings, sitting with my feelings and acknowledging it. It doesn’t feel so good, but I’m trying to accept what I feel, what exactly the situation is. I spent few days procrastinating, staying on my bed most of the time, messed my routine. I just wanted to deny what I feel for him. Felt ashamed and the more I was trying to ignore the more it was consuming me.
3. Accept the truth: Sometimes we don’t want to accept the truth and hope for things which is not going to happen. I had to tell myself few times that my feelings are just one sided, I had to say it loud to myself. I cannot explain how bad this felt reminding myself again and again. It’s kind of embarrassing 😐
4. Cutting the communication: It can be really difficult to move on from a person, if we stay in touch(my opinion), So I removed the person from my social media. And I deleted all the chats. Does this make sense? -Maybe No.. Do you still miss the person? Hell yes, so badly! Am I an idiot- Of course Yes!
5. Forgiving yourself and the other person: This is my mantra to move on, letting go and forgiving is so important to move on completely. I understand it’s not possible always but holding on to anything means giving our energy and I always want myself to be free from things which are not meant for me or serving me. Also we are HUMANS, anyone can hurt us and we can hurt other people too (intentionally or unintentionally). This understanding gives me the empathy to let go and move on without any hard feelings.
6. Reminding myself that I have been through worst. And many times I have faced disappointment initially but it worked in my favour later, many times I had crush on someone and I realised- oh my! I am glad nothing happened between us 😀 Maybe it’s same, maybe not but it’s definitely not the end of the world..
7. Writing letters, sometimes I feel like confessing and talking to the person. I have written many unsent letters, after writing it feels there’s a release, all these words they just wanted to come out. Though it’s really not same as talking but still it’s out on the paper 🙂
8. Distracting yourself. Yes accepting the feeling is so important and running from the uncomfortable feeling is not the answer, I agree to this but some distraction is needed. My brain and heart needs a break, so even I don’t feel like it, I do things to distract myself from the pain. I don’t feel like talking to anyone these days, but I talk to my friends and strangers a bit, and I am painting a lot these days. Started watching a new show, and I’m giving extra energy to my work.
9. BE KIND/UNDERSTANDING TO YOURSELF. Getting over things, the pain, the hope, the feelings, the person, the expectation, the memory or whatever is not very easy. It takes time, whether it’s a relationship/any connection that is ending or the pain of one sided feelings. Sometimes the heartbreak triggers the past trauma. In my case it did. All these is a process of grieving and healing. Being patient and kind to yourself is important, that’s what I am trying.
10. Doing something which adds meaning to my life, no matter how little. I’m trying to build a habit, taking small steps. Actually just one small step at a time, so I’m working on my morning ritual, I am feeding stray dogs these days. I am writing blogs regularly, all these activities adds some meaning to my life. Don’t know how but honestly it helps. Plus channelising all the pain, or the uncomfortable feeling to something is very therapeutic and helpful.
11. Embrace all the feelings, I am trying to. It gives opportunities to grow. I mean people have written songs and movies about these stuffs. It exists for a reason.
So this is it, this is how I am dealing, there’s nothing new. No idea, If it’s right or wrong way. Actually there’s no right or wrong way. There’s no rule or a how to book. Also how are you feeling, what are you feeling is important and valid. Feelings and thoughts exists there for a reason, feel it and let it go. Sometimes it may not make sense to anyone why you feel what you feel but it matters. (Okay too much gyan Smriti).
Writing blogs with a open heart is so powerful. It has taught me not to be ashamed of what I feel, and not to keep the emotions in my mind or body to let it consume me. Sharing is Caring💖
I hope I read this blog in the future and feel proud of myself for dealing with my negative emotions gracefully. I hope when someone is in similar situation finds it and feel he/she is not alone, and get that motivation or maybe see a good light.
Okay Bye! See you in my next blog.. Xoxo