I’ve spent eight or nine hours working, except for a quick break for lunch. I’ve made a progress. It’s been a good day. So why do I feel I should be doing more?
This anxious feeling – that I am never doing enough – where does it come from? Is it a modern affliction? One brought on by social media and screen-scrolling? Or the comparison to blame? The constant need to push ahead from the fear of being left behind?
I always feel like I am not doing enough, I need to do more, I get so intimidated when I see people who have achieved a lot in their career. I was genuinely passionate about creating contents but these days I always feel I am lagging behind there are already people who are the best in this field. And the more I try, the more I do, the more anxious I feel.
Somedays it gets so heavy when I wakeup panicking about my work and then I sleep thinking about tomorrow’s work. Every week I write blogs or try to videoshoot myself (with the best attempt of looking cheerful at least), If I don’t do it I feel like I am not doing something I am passionate about. Somedays I paint, somedays the painting is so horrible I throw it and hate myself. Somedays I open the camera and I feel, damn! You’re so unattractive.
Every working day, I google and research things related to my work, and I see so many codes, projects and the best work, somedays I am stuck, somedays It gets so overwhelming, I question my self worth. I feel like wow I suck at it, I have got this job just by luck and You suck Smriti, you just suck.
I compare myself with my friends who are doing much better at work and everyday I sleep with my low self esteem.
After so long I got some free time today, I was constantly thinking to do something productive but I doesn’t feel like doing it but I also don’t know what I should do instead 😐
But there is so much guilt of not using this time in a productive way. I can’t even sleep because from pst 2 weeks my sleep cycle is messed up.
The feeling is so uncomfortable.
I don’t know if anyone else feels this way but it sucks! I mean we are obviously more than the work, career, failures, success whatever but we end up feeling this way! This hustle culture, comparison and constant feeling of not doing enough sucks, but I guess this is what adulting all about.
Life is much more than this, I feel more this way when stop doing little things which gives me control and purpose like my morning and night ritual, little planning or journaling and taking lot of breaks. But somedays are so hectic or tough to wake up on time, I gets so difficult to follow this.
Just realising life happens so fast, I definitely don’t want to feel this everyday! I need to enjoy life a bit more, I need to go out of my house more, so maybe tomorrow in between I’ll do something which will give my soul some joy or something which will relax my mind. I need to remind myself how beautiful life is, and I me forgetting it because of the stress.
Anyone else feeling this way? We are in this together, I guess we can never be fully satisfied with ourselves, hope we keep reminding ourselves life is much more💃
This post is more like a rant or wanted to share what I am feeling. In case you find it useless just I am sorry 😀
Okay Bye! See you in next blog